Monday, 19 May 2008

Completely fed up.

Apologies, as I feel this is going to be a bit of a rant. Sorry.

I had a contraceptive implant put in my arm a week last Thursday. It has been having all sorts of weird effects on my body and my psyche (my personal favourite has to be the paranoia. Can't beat a bit of that on a three day basis.) I feel fat and frumpy and ugly and everything else I possibly could feel in between. Oh and I spent most of the weekend asleep.

Add to this, I have also been stuffing my face with alarming amounts of chocolate (the end of term when students leave is always a bad time for this). I know if I carry on, I'll be two ton tessie by the end of June, but I can't say no. I've started drinking loads of water and eating brown bread and pasta. But it's not enough. I even contemplated making myself sick today after eating one two many biscuits. (I didn't, but the thought is still lingering in my mind.)

I hate feeling like this. I know I shouldn't- I'm supposed to be intelligent. I should find an exercise I like/that I don't feel self concious in. Or I should stop eating crap and stop whinging. But I can't actually say any of this out loud to anyone. Everyone thinks that I'm happy and fine and coping. I'm not. I'm tired and cranky and dreading parents' evening and obsessing about food all the time.

*end of self pity. I'm sorry if you read that, I just don't know where else to post*

I also have some nice stuff to blog about (Kaffe Fassett socks, anyone?) but I'm too tired to do it today.


PrincessPea said...

So sorry you're feeling like this. Blogland a good place to dump it. Been there with the food obsessing - it's not a nice place to be. Have you heard of a book called Potatoes not Prozac? I'm finding it quite revelatory...

Oh, and, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you ;o).

yogicknitter said...

You are not alone. This is normal female teacher stress at this time of year. I have started avoiding the staff room since Easter break because I made such a pig of myself on chocolate. However kids gave me a box of chocolates on Saturday and I have already eaten all the milk choc ones in the last two evening while DH has been out at his school stuff. Only a few days til half term.